Yes,I have been the culprit. I have failed my loved ones sometimes by choosing the wrong words. Words are beautiful and if you try hard enough to find you will always find the right words for describing anything in any situation.
I am a self proclaimed writer. Sometimes I do not have words to describe someone’s beauty. I sometimes get stuck in horrific situations where I find no words in my defense to bail myself out.
Many people in the past have complimented me for expressing my feelings beautifully. But there have been many incidents where I have lost good friends because of something I said.
Anger makes you use harsh words that can penetrate through someone’s heart like a bullet and kill them. Sometimes too much excitement can make you go overboard and say something terrible that you regret later. I have said many such things and felt embarrassed about them later. Sometimes you are not in the right sense of mind. It is best to keep quiet and let that moment pass. You can always speak later after the moment sinks in.
We always feel dumbfounded in moments of epiphany.
I have been a hypocrite. I have pointed out people’s flaws or judged them without realizing that I have similar flaws. I have been too easy on myself and forgave myself for some huge mistakes.
I have hurt people’s feelings without realizing the impact of my words. I have spoken foolish words to impress and in trying to be pretentious.
Hence it is better to remain quiet and speak less. Speak selectively and speak the right kind of words. Choosing the right words to express yourself is not always easy.
The solution for all this is that you need to be genuine. If you are genuine about your feelings , the right words will flow melodiously. It is not easy to be genuine when you are just trying to please everyone with your words and actions.
People lie all the time. Some of them are great speakers with excellent rehearsed speeches. Speaking impromptu without preparation is overrated. It is really easy to express your feelings on stage. You do not need to write a speech and make it unnatural. It is always great to make a mind map in your head. It will help you to think all that you need to speak about and then speaking naturally with the right genuine words that you feel makes the message perfect. It cannot be communicated in any other way.
I realized it too late that I had not been speaking to my loved ones. I had one hour discussions with my mom but I rarely communicated with my dad. I realized that the only way I could have connected to him was by speaking to him. I always avoided speaking to him.
I have come to terms with it. I have analyzed the reasons for my behaviour. It was difficult to speak to him because I never had the right words. He could not communicate to me without yelling at me and when he showed love it always seemed irritating for some reason.
He always felt that I was not doing enough for myself. He had this disappointment that he conveyed with anger. It took me a very long time to realize that it was not anger. It was pure concern and fear about the innovative steps I was taking. He could not convey that he was not angry and he was purely worried about me.
I could not reassure him because I never understood his concern. I replied to his anger with more anger. I replied to his concern with words that made him more concerned. I reassured my mom with love and I should have used the same set of words of reassurance for my dad too. But it took me a while to understand that they both were on the same page.
My dad had always listened to his father and never questioned his intentions or decisions. As far as I can remember, I was always rebellious. I never followed him blindly. I would always ask questions. My grandfather was impressed by my ability to think and question but my father was not. He had been brought up in a certain way. He had always made safe choices. He had always ensured security for us. I was the opposite. I always took my chances. I was never worried about security and I wanted to always think out of the box.
I just needed the right words to reassure him that I knew my shit. I wanted to tell him so many things but it was too late. In his final days he hardly understood anything. When I found enough vocabulary , he had switched himself off. When I wanted to convey my feelings to him it was too late. Choose the right words. Express yourself beautifully to your loved ones. Let them know that you love them. They remain etched in memories forever. I do that to my kids. I am constantly teaching them to express themselves fearlessly. They say exactly what they feel and I am glad. That’s how it works. Feel genuinely and say it right.
Being shy and scared does not help you because you do not have that much time. We keep thinking about the right time and we keep mustering the courage to say those golden words. The right time is that moment. It will never come back again. If your wife is looking pretty and you want to dedicate a beautiful ghazal to her , stop all activities and go for it. There is no right time for romance. There is no right time to love your parents. There is no right time to love your kids. Welcome them with your arms open at any given point of time. Just say it and let them feel it. Do not just say it for the sake of it. Do not just type it for the sake of it.
Say innovative things. Invent new words. Find more beautiful words. Just say it to them in a better way. Make sure that they understand how you feel. This is how you love and this is how you should show your love. Old school of thought is wrong, show as much as you can. Do not create that wall of not having enough words to speak.
G2 - The Story Teller 